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It’s difficult to have a conversation about racism — especially with someone you know or see every day. No one wants to hear that they’ve said something offensive, but because you are dealing with a personal relationship, the best route is to be bold. Separate intent from impact. It’s important to remember that intent does not supersede impact. When someone says something offensive, it does not mean they are an inherently bad person. It means that they said something inappropriate, and whether it was intentional or not, they hurt you. Initiate a conversation. Whether you decide to respond to microaggressions in the moment or after the fact, keep your cool and be willing to hear the other person’s perspective. Ask for clarification instead of making assumptions. A simple, “What do you mean by that?” can help start a productive dialogue. Do say: “You said X and it made me feel like Y because of Z.” Don’t say: “What you said was racist and inappropriate and you are a racist and inappropriate person.” If the person you’re addressing becomes dismissive or if the conversation is becoming psychologically harmful, it’s okay to stop the conversation. When someone is not willing to put in the work, you may need to reevaluate your relationship with that person.
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